When I was a kid, we had a pop-up camper and my parents took us camping a few times before they divorced and sold the camper, but of course as a kid, all I remember was being stuck in the car with my annoying sisters FOREVER, being forced to take group showers to save money (because some campgrounds charge 25 cents per minute in the shower!) and generally things being wet. Jamey’s parents went through the more traditional cycle of tent, small travel trailer, to big Fifth Wheel so he had a little better idea of what we were getting into. Still though, there are plenty of things no one tells you – so please allow me to share the darkest secrets with you.

5. Opinions – like assholes. Everyone has one, most of them stink.

First and foremost, everyone and their mother will have an opinion. Either you’re not really camping if you’re not in a tent, or your trailer is so tiny it’s (condescendingly) “adorable” or it’s too big for just weekends, or staying in a full hookup campground instead of boondocking isn’t really camping, or family and friends just don’t get the lure of camping and have to tell you all about why …

I guess it’s like any other decision, some people just have a lot of opinions and need to tell you about them. Seriously, ask me how many people have given me their g-d unsolicited opinions about my child-free status. Who asked you, Nancy?? Your kids are in their mid forties and live with you in your two bedroom apartment, who are you to tell me what to do?

But I digress …

4. You’ll learn new reasons to fight with each other.

I’m an uber-feminist and insist anything boys can do, girls can do too. I wince at women who refuse to pull the camper. I roll my eyes at men who chuckle at me when I connect the sewer hose. But one thing I am admittedly incapable of doing is backing up a trailer. The idea of turning the steering wheel the opposite direction that you want to turn just makes my brain turn into that tenth browser window open in Internet Explorer on a Windows 6 machine. I freeze.

So, I direct Jamey while he backs into sites and into the yard when we get home. It looks so obvious from where I stand, as I yell at him where and how to go into the space (sometimes I really do want to tell him where to go.) And without fail, he yells back at me that he IS doing that as he completely misses the spot. If he’d just do what I told him the first time, we wouldn’t be standing in the rain, trying to get in the site just right for the third time.

And don’t get me started on the joys of being crammed into less than 300 square feet of living space together. You didn’t forget to put that cup in the sink, you left it there to piss me right the f–ck off. And why the hell are your shoes at the foot of the bed, where I have to walk, in the middle of the night, in the dark, if I need to use the bathroom or get a drink – are you TRYING to kill me? Would it kill you to put the damn garbage in the garbage can and not just leave it sitting on the picnic table??

Getting away from it all also means getting away from personal space. So get ready to be at each others’ throats all the fricking time.

3. You’ll talk shit.

Like actual, literal shit. Are you going to poop in the camper bathroom or institute a no-poo-rule? Jamey will only drop a deuce in the campground restroom, never in the camper, because he’s concerned the sheer amount of his waste will break the toilet. He’s in charge of emptying the black tank, so his rules. This also means you get real comfortable admitting “welp, I’m off to poop now” since you can’t just duck into the bathroom and leave things to the imagination. If you have to make a point to use another bathroom, it’s pretty obvious what you’re doing in there.

Beware, gentle reader – other campers do not share this same hesitation and poop with abandon in their rigs. I know this because when we open the sewer pipe to hook up the hose, it smells to high heaven.

One time, thanks to a random bocce ball in the sewer pipe, sewage backed up and out of the pipe as Jamey was emptying the black tank. And by sewage, I mean other people’s shit.

Remember, if you poo in the camper, you may flush it away, but it’s still just hanging out in a plastic container (the black tank) under your rig. It’ll just sit there and stink until you empty the black tank, so be sure you’ve got good chemicals in that tank to dissolve and disinfect things!

2. The way politics manage to ruin everything.

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My dad once almost bought a hybrid car, exclusively for the gas mileage, and joked he would need to get a bumper sticker that reads “Not a Liberal.” Well, I feel like we need a bumper stick on our truck that says: “Not a Trump Supporter.”

This reality show of a Presidency has ruined everything. No place is safe from arm chair pundits and this includes campgrounds. We’ve only been really confronted by a Trump supporter once, by of all things, a Canadian. But we’ve seen campsites flying a Trump flag, plenty of MAGA hats and, thanks to the sound traveling qualities of loud, drunk voices around campfires, we’ve overheard lots of really awful things. Can’t we all just be on vacation and leave opinions about immigrants, abortion and taxes at home? I’m just here to relax, not deal with some old white guy’s thoughts about brown people he’s never met.

I follow all kinds of diverse travelers on Instagram – including married gay couples, single ladies, and mixed-race families. Wanderlust and the camping lifestyle isn’t limited to one way of life and those loud and proud haters better keep that in mind.

1. It’s actually the best

I mean it! It’s cheaper than hotels, you can always bring your dog camping, and your home comes with you everywhere. Sure, somethings might go wrong, but that can happen anywhere. Camping lets us explore the country with all the comforts of home. No worrying about what the last person who stayed here has done to the bathroom, no wondering when the last time the comforter was washed and all the germs on the remote control are you own.

Studies show being in nature, camping, can help reduce anxiety, stress and depression. You don’t have to spend a small fortune to have a great time, reconnect with the great outdoors and relax. Just get a tent and go! Camping can be therapy for some people.

When we’re at our real home, there’s always a list of things we should be doing – power washing the driveway, pulling weeds, repainting the kitchen … you get the point. When we’re camping, all we’re supposed to be doing is having fun. And have fun we do!